Whispering consciousness...

Flutters...

2011-10-18T08:44:00.001-07:00

Sad and butterflies...
With all the hopes dried
Running wild and blind
With no one place to end
Growing big, feral... almost lethal

Awaiting rest
Begging for a plea
To break free
Get colored as a jade...
On a peaceful escapade!!!

------------------------------------------
Dominating mood: Sense of failure :(

P.S. Butterflies like in the tummy!

If...

2011-09-04T10:10:00.000-07:00

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

-- Rudyard Kipling

P.S. Read it twice to get it right and through you.

Lost in life....

2011-08-08T10:56:00.000-07:00

My day starts when Mumbai wakes up... And my work begins when Mumbaites leave for their work. When the ladies compartments of the local trains are filled with countless women heading to their work places, I move around them to sell.
Waiting at the railway station and looking at the direction of the train, I sit on the bench every morning. The crates that I carry to sell a variety of hair clips, bangles and necklaces lay on my lap because I am afraid someone might just take it away and never come back. As the train enters the station, I carefully get up and pick the two crates and adjust it so that I am able to balance myself. There are so many people pushing from so many sides, everyone is always in a rush to get into the train. There is hardly anyone who has any concerns for me while I am struggling to keep the crates in my hand and I try and get into the train.

I pass on the crates to women who want to look at the items. And as I do so, I sincerely hope that there is a sale. After all, the sales of my day decide how much my family gets to eat. There are often times when these women bargain. Women who are approximately four times my age look me into my eyes and bargain. What am I supposed to do? Why do they to fail to understand my condition? Why do they not know how much slogging it takes me to earn a single meal?

I often watch women and their kids. They all look so much like me. But I don’t feel like them. I feel much older. I never get a chance to sit in my mother’s lap and complain or throw tantrums or yell or cry.... or sometimes, just sleep peacefully. I don’t get to demand toys or new clothes or fancy food. I don’t even get to have proper meals with my family. What is so different between their childhood and mine? Have I lost my childhood, or is it only a concept for the rich? And I sometimes wonder about what kids do at school; what would I do if I were at school? I cannot stretch my imagination too much on that front because I have never been to a school even once before. But I like the idea of being able to read and write. It is fascinating how people can make sense out of patterns which seem so random to me.

At lunch time, I take out a few coins from whatever I have earned and buy myself a vada pav or an equivalent from a nearby stall. I usually eat alone, at the railway station. As the trains come and go, I wait at the station for just some more time for myself; maybe because I am tired, but I know I have another half day ahead of me.
Once in a while, I get to see the sunset from the windows of the train. I wish I get to see it for a longer time, but I always have people wanting me to pass the crates to them, or bargain, or return the change. I want to know where the sun goes every evening and how does it come back every single morning. I want to know why the moon changes it size every day. I want to know why it rains and why it is hot and why is it sometimes too cold.

There are so many things I want to know.... And as I think, there is someone calling from somewhere… “How much is this for?”

And I get back to being lost in my life....

If you are going to fall in love with me....

2011-07-28T11:56:00.000-07:00

If you are going to fall in love with me, it’s only fair that you know what you are falling in love with.

You are falling in love with my insecurities, and my obsession with trying to figure out what everyone thinks of me. You are falling in love with my immaturity, my constant need to feel loved and appreciated, my overactive tear ducts, my Internet obsession, my tendency to be too clingy. I’m horrible at keeping in touch with people; I’d forget to call, to text. I change my mind way too much, I can’t settle. You fall in love with my troubled past, and my hopes and dreams, and how I’m a hopeless romantic at heart. If you fall in love with me, you fall in love with my self-hate and all my imperfections and my perception that nobody could ever love me.

But, you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when I’m with you, the way I’ll text you in random just telling you I hope you had a great day. You’re falling in love with the occasionally humorous and/or thought-provoking things I say, and the way I blush when people ask me about you. But to me, the most important thing will be that you are falling in love with me, despite my thinking that it is impossible

P.S: It feels so apt!
Credits: Nishali Shetty's blog

Its like worries never existed!

2011-06-07T23:08:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how the rains can turn an ordinary looking every-day place into a beautiful sight... Being at the window is such a pleasure today! The day is at a decent degree of awesomeness... No stinging sun, no rains, pleasant clouds and even more pleasant breeze... Its a wonderful day outside. I hope everyone who's working in their office gets a chance to get out have a few moments for themselves in this not-very-familiar climate for mumbaites. The trees are greener, the otherwise dirty roads look clean. I hear birds, the breeze and the squirrels hopping from one tree to the other...

Its one of those days when I wish I had someone to stand besides me and share the silence of admiration!

Its so peaceful!!! Like worries never existed...

Some dream!

2011-06-01T10:51:00.000-07:00

There’s this dream that I own
Since times unknown...
One that I chase,
In this mad mad race!
One which will, someday, glorify
With luck’s cordial grace
When one dusk ends,
And the new dawn begins
It’s time to set straight
And un-bend all the kinks...

While I edge towards the win
Steady and sturdy,
I see the long awaited scene...
I see a clearer look of my destiny’s grin

Turning 24

2011-05-23T23:16:00.001-07:00

22nd May of every year is that day when I grow old by another year. This May, the count is 24.... The beginning of the "Silver" year of my life! I was having a random chat with a friend and he casually asked what were my resolutions for the year. I said I had no special resolutions. And he replied... "Kya waste hai! Kuch shapath wapath le iss saal ke liye". Now that he has pointed it out, I m seriously considering making some resolutions, few of which would be plain social obligations and mandatory enforced. Well, I will post about the resolutions some other time (If I am able to keep up to them, that is)

This birthday was different. Unlike every year, I decided to stay home this time. Even before midnight the phone calls starting coming in and after every Happy Birthday there was one question "What plans for tomorrow?". Invariably, my reply that I had no plans was followed by surprised What!s and Why?s. It was 1:00 am by the time all the calls were done.

I had no plans to wake up early the next day. But there was knock on the door and there was the first surprise of the birthday! My childhood best friend Ramya Nair, was at the door with a Ribbons and Balloons carry bag and hands wide open for a hug. The start of the day couldn't have been better! We cut the cake, had breakfast and then she left for home. I really missed Shankar Iyer during the cake-cutting; he's another sweetheart friend from my younger days.
The lunch was awesome! Maushi and Omi had come home for lunch (read feast!) and it was fun spending a lazy afternoon with family, and being pampered for every small thing :P After having a more-than-heavy lunch, a nice evening walk was all that I needed. I went on a long walk with Ramya and talked and talked. It had been really long since we last talked so much.

The birthday night could have been better but it got a little ugly, just like last year. And I have decided to learn from what went wrong. Some things just don't happen your way, even if that's the general course it should have taken... I got a little high on expecting and even though it was not something "materialistic", it was assumed to be so. Maybe I should include that as one of the resolutions: not to expect too much.

With all the goods and not-so-goods of the day, I turned 24!!!

Someday....

2011-05-01T08:50:00.000-07:00

One of the places I would like to visit someday....
Young or old, alone or with someone... I am going to be here once!

P.S. It was love at first sight :) :)

A letter...

2011-04-18T12:06:00.000-07:00

It’s written by a girl for a best friend who’s leaving to a far off place.

Dearest you,

I know you are going for better, but I am selfish enough to crib at my loss than compliment on your achievement. Of course I am happy for you, but I am going to miss you like crazy. At least I am going to miss those moments when we were not together but it meant so much more.

I don’t know how my days will go by without anyone to listen to my taunts. I am so used to relying on you for comforting me on the days of bad things; I am going to miss that the most.

I have this habit of calling you when I am walking back home or waiting for a train or just doing nothing. At such times, I m sure I will pick up the phone, look at your number and dial, only to get a message saying the number doesn’t exist. And I will face it all again. I am sure I will miss you more and more every day. I don’t have a choice on that, do I?

I will miss you on my birthday, when there will be people around and yet it would all be incomplete without seeing you smile, holding out the gift to me and kissing on my head.

I will miss you when my results are out. I know you will make me feel nice irrespective of what my results are.

I will miss you on the weekends when I meet all the other friends, eat out, talk, laugh and you wouldn’t be there to play pranks or call out names or drop me home when it’s late at night.

I will miss sending you text in the middle of the day mentioning anything random and then getting wierd replies to it. I will still text... just to think that you are close by.

There is so much to “us” than just you and me... I am going to miss all those moments which made me feel special, happy, sad, mad or angry! To put it all in small... “I am going to have a terrible time without you around”

Take care!

Come back soon...
A waiting friend

Do I know this??

2011-04-16T00:24:00.000-07:00

There’s this feeling of wanting something always…. (If I say this in front of my dearest MBA friends, they’ll promptly imply it to be either food or sleep) But this implication doesn’t always hold true. There’s something else which is not clearly defined, maybe because I haven’t put in enough thoughts to gather the pieces and put them into one clearly realizable goal.

Most of the times, this feeling stays somewhere out-sighted accounting to the number of other things that demand constant attention… But at other times, this feeling takes charge and I am lost in the thoughts to sort this puzzle up – only until some other thing zaps it and puts it back to the remotest corner of my mind…

What could it be? Do I know? Do I know a way to know it? Confused I may sound…. But I am sure there’s something. Or maybe it’s someone… I have been waiting to know... And I have been wanting to know.

There.. and back

2011-04-13T05:26:00.000-07:00

Living in this moment,
And facing the inevitable
Just for a little time
I drifted in the past
I thought about that night
When the sea was by my side,
The sand beneath my feet
The hum of the hustling waves,
And the whooshing salted breeze

I walked with the stars again
Night being a silent companion
The hanging crescent followed the way
And stopped with me,
When I sat by the bay

In the far distance behind,
I could hear some merry sounds
There was dancing and singing
And muffled happiness heard
The dark sea was right in front
As mighty as always
I looked at the sea
Swelling and subsiding
I was just there with eyes closed....

Feeling the calmness of the memory
I was back from my thoughts....
To the unpleasant present
Right here, right now... Facing it, fighting it!!!

P.S. : Bored of studies!!!
P.P.S : Missing GOA! :'(

Blue's Reign...

2011-04-01T10:27:00.000-07:00

The foe will depart
Unable to withstand the verve
They’ll shed and wear off
And put forth a mighty clash
But the ball will roll
In the Blue’s court!

All the blue blood
Will rise together,
To behold the worthy
And witness the blemished
Savoring an eyeful
Of the dream embracing the truth
And million hands will rise in glory
To color the victory, all with BLUE!!!

Mighty little one

2011-03-25T06:27:00.000-07:00

That little man, with all his hopes tall
Waits and knows that he’ll be the conqueror
Untouched by any forthcoming rage
He knows that destiny has long awaited him
The warriors will help him win the war
And he’ll grace his win with all their efforts
There’s no looking back now, no doubts nor cynics
Just moving ahead to a definite purpose
With the prayers, hopes, trust and well wishes

I can already see the warriors,
Dressed up in their armours...
The knight is in action, with his sword held high,
Thrashing all the challenges thrown towards him
He’ll win, not for himself, but for his fellow mates
He’ll fight, not to fail even a single expectation

I can already see him win the winning
I can see the raised flag, and that glorious pride
I can see it all in the warriors’ eyes
And in that dropping tear of joy
Its all over the warplace in cheers, smiles and hails...

Written in 3:30 Thane local, Fine tuned over a cup of tea :-) :-)

Enjoy,
Smiles :)

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

2011-01-28T06:50:00.000-08:00

Sometimes all you feel is an unexplainable void within you. Lots of things look haywire and out of place. There are times when your aspirations no longer seem worth chasing and you turn to a way of finding an entirely new purpose for your existence. What do you do next? Well, there are many paths to take, none of which ever cross the others. Some people crib, complain and after continued efforts, they eventually compromise. Compromise always comes with regrets, even though in minute magnitudes. Some people give up and do some random acts of insanity… like they go into depression or pay for it with their lives. Some very lucky people have FRIENDS! This post is dedicated to all the lovely people of my life whom I count in my 3:00 A.M. friends list. Thanks to you all for being there, sometimes in the form of advice, or scolding, or prayers, or support, or hope, or even a punching bag
1. Ramya Nair
1. Suheil Karkera
1. Swati Lohia
1. Aditya R Desai
1. Himanshu Gothwal
1. Shraddha Shetty
1. Shankar Iyer
1. Akila Iyer
1. Karishma Panda
1. Vandana Ganapathy
1. Swetha Kakkat Dongre
1. Bhumika Pandya
1. Aditya Lall
They are all numbered 1 because they are all right there.

Chances....

2011-01-05T08:58:00.000-08:00

Walking past the lane,
I saw a heap of dirt...
Wringed my nose and walked past it,
Then turned back with a thought,
Looked and let the heart decide.
Was I ready to dirty my hands?
Fetched a pail of water,
Sat without fearing the filth
Sieved the dirt nice, kneaded it right,
Molding with my own hands,
I gave it a shape of my choice
It wasn’t perfect, but just as fine it was!
With a clear form and exactly like I liked...
I held it high and smiled at it,
Contented with the beauty of efforts
Glad that I had taken the call
And dirtying the hands,
Was worthy after all...

Adios 2010

2010-12-26T05:44:00.000-08:00

As 2010 comes to an end, this would, probably, be my last post for the year. I have been so busy (read lazy!) lately that it took me the stressful exams to get reunited with my once-upon-a-time beloved blog... But like always, it’s better late than never :) I am so glad that I could at least cross the 10-per-year mark of blog posts. Otherwise I would have shamed the starving blog.

Looking back at my year, I see umpteen instances which translate verbally as ‘Oh!’ or ‘What!!’ or ‘Wow!!’ or ‘Whatever!!’ or ‘Aww!!’ or ‘F@#k!’.... A year of lots of life changing decisions… some right, some wrong, some irrational and some totally random. And of course lots of wonderful moments which I will always cherish!!! Accenture, SIESCOMS, wedding plans of some of my best-est friends, some awesome outings with more-than-awesome friends and a year of so many surprises...

All in all, a year when I learnt lessons, made and lost friends, laughed, cried and now moving into a new year with the best of all these... Stepping into a new year with new wishes, new hopes, new resolutions and new dreams.

I wish myself and all the readers a year which is more wonderful than all your previous years.

Today's moment of remembrance

2010-12-18T06:57:00.001-08:00

The most distinct memory of the day...

While on the way to college and at the door of the local train, I was standing and wondering why was a subject called High Performance Leadership even required?? It was 7:45 a.m. and considerably cold for a regular Mumbaite. I was looking outside at something which looked like patches of green along the sides of the railway tracks. At the end of one such squares there was a small house (if I may call it that) which looked more like a tent. I couldn't look more at the house when something else caught my attention... A small kid, must hardly be 18 months old, came toddling out of the house. He/she was dressed in a bright pink overall sweater and an orange monkey cap. From a distance, it looked like a candy floss jumping around :P The kid was running behind the crows shooing them off... or maybe chasing them. And then when the crows flew, the kid turned its way running towards a nearby dog... Sadly, the attempt failed when a mummy (methinks!) came out and took the kid inside. I think the kid rebelled. This was all just an incident of not more than 10 seconds. But it was successful in driving out HPL out of mind and I actually started listening to RJ Jeeturaaj on the radio, which was plugged in but not being heard....

"The kid in pink running behind the crows" is what I still remember and smile... :) :)

When in the exam mood...

2010-12-17T00:20:00.000-08:00

Wrapped with boredom, laced with pain,
I think I will end up with no single gain,
Sometimes I feel I should rather have quit,
Withdraw from the effort and simply retreat.

I wish I had a box brimming full of magic
To rewind the time and get me those days,
When time was all mine and no deadlines,
My days were colorful with not any grays.

I want to feel free and want to be lighter,
Without any thoughts of any wind-up,
Just lazing around and sipping on a cup,
And simply doodle a rhyme of wonderful words...

Now that I have come so far, I shall stand by it,
Shall fight it all for none but myself,
I shall not recoil, neither retreat,
Coz however and whatever it may be,
I love my life.... And every bit of it

Written on 5th December... In the midst of MMS First Sem exams preparations...

All he was, was trapped

2010-12-16T07:32:00.000-08:00

Those innocent little eyes,
Staring at the big strong arms
The ones which were hard and cold
And pressed around his fragile frame...
Tired of trying to understand the happenings,
He had succumbed and had simply fallen in
Making an effort to pull himself together
He fell and lost all his thoughts...

He woke up to a cruel sound.
Not wanting to face the cost of questions,
He simply did what he was asked to do...
Had some breakfast from a battered bowl
And followed the men to a place unknown.

Days came and passed by, unchanged...
He grew, having left his past behind
He was now a part of this enforced reality
And found no traces back to what he earlier was...

Innocent as he was before,
Was now replaced by the instilled evils,
Having believed the distorted facts,
He perceived the truth which was portrayed...
Gun was only a piece of metal...
And people were just meant to be used
Money was not to be earned, but acquired
Killing for living was no big deal,
And days were to live with uncertain life...

What he was and what he is...
Was nothing that he could have changed
The immoral minority of the society
Had changed the boy’s fate...
But who will be blamed for all this, in the end?
Not the trapping inevitable situations,
But the trapped one himself...

Nishachar posting

2010-12-15T12:41:00.000-08:00

16 December 2010, 2:20 A.M...
Trying to read Organisational Structures (which, obviously, is not making any sense)...
Listening to Mora Saiyaan - by Fuzon....
Random online chats with a friend from U.S....
Occassional startles by crickets and the hooting dogs (and dogs, if its not anything else, who makes sounds while walking on the dried leaves just outside my ground floor window)....
Thinking of a bonfire and a cup of steaming masala chai....

And above all, waiting for the tommorow to end...

That's all from me tonight....
Nishachar signing off. Shubh Ratri! Shabba khair! Aasha karti hu ki aapka kal ka din shubh ho!

P.S. Nishachar is a word which is close in meaning to 'Nocturnal'

From a nightmare to a beautiful dream...

2010-12-11T01:15:00.000-08:00

I found myself wandering in a lonely space,
Nor aware of my steps neither the place,
It was all dark with scattered shades of gray,
I wondered how I could ever find out my way.
I walked all alone, waiting for a voice,
Still on a fork and unable to make a choice,
Looking for a light to lead me through,
Hoping that my hope would stay by me.

With eyes closed and hopes pinned,
I prayed for none of this to be true,
I looked in myself and stayed there for a while,
My heart dictated and I painted a picture...
Slowly I smiled at the plain beauty it bore...
And whatever was around didn’t matter anymore.

When I opened my eyes, I saw the sun bright,
And suddenly the waters gleamed like gold,
The splendor surfaced like a story untold.
All greens and reds showed one by one,
The beauty was backed with lovely sounds,
Birds and flies dotted the joyful blue skies
And somewhere far, to make the sight grand,
There was a striking curve of the seven-colored band!

The nightmare had ended as a beautiful dream.....

To Romeo.... From Juliet

2010-09-21T08:46:00.000-07:00

One look at you and I miss a heartbeat,
I totally lose my mind when you sweep me off my feet

When we dance together in the pouring rain,
I fall in love with you all over again...

You are my breath; it’s only for you that I live,
You are the only truth that I will always believe.

To be close to you I can walk on any way,
I can fall in love with you on every single day...

I have loved you always with all that I have got,
You are the only one whom I have always sought.

Together we will live in a world of our own,
Where sorrow and misery is completely unknown

A place where joy and bliss can be found,
A place which is painted with love all around....

Story time!!!

2010-08-25T10:48:00.000-07:00

The most beautiful smile I ever saw was at the railway stations of one of the suburbs of Mumbai – Dombivli. And this smile was of a little girl not more than 7-8 years old.

While waiting for the train at the station, I noticed this fragile looking girl for the first time. She was dressed in rags and her head bore a cloud of messy brown hair which was last combed, maybe, some weeks back. I guessed that she must be from the slums that are along the railway track outside of the station. She was sitting on one of the benches at the station and had a pair of eyes that said that she was really sad. With her skinny hands folded in a way as offering some prayer, she was staring at nothing in the space. She was so weak that from a distance, her sitting posture looked like the alphabet C. I couldn’t stop looking at her and wondering about what she must be sad about. And then there was an announcement that the train would arrive 15 minutes late. I thought I would utilize this time and try to find out what was it that was bothering this little girl. As I approached her and was finding a way to start a talk, she looked up and gave me a blank stare. I asked her whether she was hungry and in reply got just another blank stare. I thought she wasn’t able to understand the language and so I bought a pack of biscuits from the nearby canteen and offered it to her. She accepted it but again without any emotion surfacing on her face. The only visible emotion was through her eyes. And it was so intriguing that I wanted to know the reason for her sadness. I sat on the nearby bench and kept observing. I sat there for around 20 minutes and still the girl had not moved from her place. She occasionally looked around in all directions like she was searching for something. But then again, she sat there with the same emotionless face of hers. I, somehow, felt that she had lost something and was looking for it in the crowd around. What was it that she had lost? I was hoping someone would come and take her home, take care of her and help her forget whatever that was troubling her. I made a few more attempts to talk to her but they all turned out to be futile.
Two trains came and left, and I was still at the station feeling helpless about not being able to do anything to help this poor little girl. Then she got up from the place and with same sad face walked a few steps ahead. She looked around, then went back to where she was sitting earlier and looked around again. She was definitely looking for something. Not being able to figure out any helpful way, I finally gave up. The next train was announced and I got up from my bench to take the position for the train. I turned back to take one final look at the girl. But she was not there sitting at the bench. She was near the bench, but not sitting. Instead she was jumping with joy. The sadness suddenly looked like stranger to her eyes and her face was covered with the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. She was grinning ear to ear. I looked at the other direction to see what it was that made her mood swing to the other extreme. While I was still looking for the suitable element that had brightened this kid, she came running and hugged a stray dog. Yes! A stray dog…. I couldn’t make sense of the whole scene. She sat with the dog and was over-whelmed to have found it. Like she had lost the dog and was waiting for it from quite some time.

A worker from the canteen had observed my curiosity over this little episode and he came into picture to explain the scene. He told me that this girl was seen on the station from the last few days and she had no one except this dog as her friend. The girl was deaf and dumb and was often seen with the dog as her companion. She has no family and had pet the dumb animal to share the loneliness. My heart melted for that girl and the fact that she was all alone and had befriended a dog was way beyond my understanding. I have a family and I have had N number of friends till date, but I still fell lonely at times. With her beautiful smile, this girl also taught a lesson…. Don’t ever let go of your closed ones. Value them, because when they leave, they leave back a void in your life!

... Tears din't come

2010-07-27T09:09:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: All the events and incidents in this poem are purely fictious. Any resemblance to any person is purely coincidental

Now... Please read and comment :-)

The sense of loss badly stabbed,
I kept staring at nothing in space,
I called out and waited, waited for long
Trying to figure out what had gone wrong.

I looked for you in the crowd all around,
I realized, then, that I was lonesome,
The sense of betrayal took over again.
I wanted to weep but the tears didn’t come.

I wanted to walk away and never look back
I wished you did regret for what you had lost
I tried hating you, but it hurt more and more
I tried letting go, but it ripped right at heart

Alone at the places, where we had our good times,
I tried going back to where I had come from,
I sat there for long, thinking what you had done,
I wanted to weep but the tears didn’t come.

Walking back home, I decided to move on,
The moments that we had spent,
The promises that we had kept,
And as I let go of all those lovely days,
For one last time, with all my heart I wept!

Colour of Dawn…

2010-07-09T23:56:00.000-07:00

Dark is what she saw,
Dark is what she felt,
Like being in a dungeon
She was trapped in herself...

She never knew love,
And care was unknown too,
An abandoned soul she was,
With nothing that she could do...

Then there was a ray,
Of hope that she never knew,
As it was getting brighter,
She doubted if it was true

She held the offered hand,
And stood straight upright,
Something in her changed,
And she no longer felt the fright...

The way she was watched,
She knew she was cared,
She smiled and had tears
And she left back all her fears...

She had woken up bright,
And had looked outside the dark,
Today she had woken up
To the new colour of dawn

Morning Support

2010-04-21T08:03:00.000-07:00

Morning Support…. Rather, a really very early morning support. Things are pretty much different when it the morning support week for me. And by the way, ‘different’ here is a club of goods, bads, wierds and scares.

Firstly, it takes waking up at 3:15. And that too A.M. Trust me; even thinking about it is such a pain! On the first day of the morning support, I am not fully awake till I reach office... Honestly! Till then anyone who sees me will surely relate me to the zombie specie. But second day onwards, I start observing things. Today being my second day, I have observed quite a few new things that are really not new, but were just out of notice. Because I have to leave at an odd hour of 4:15 A.M., and it is considerably lonely, my cousin drops me till the railway station. And he drops me on a bike. J And an early morning bike ride, with no traffic to interrupt the speed, is one of the best things one can have. The roads are absolutely empty with none other than just the street lights on. The only shops that are open at such an early hour are the milk dairies. At some points, you can see newspaper men sorting out the news papers from the newly arrived stacks lying around. And then there a couple of company cars carrying the employees to or from their homes. Other than these, there is no other activity going on on the otherwise busy road.
There are a couple of old abandoned buildings on the way. I don’t notice them usually, but in dark they look haunted.

The scene on the railway station is entirely different. Even at so early in the morning, there are people on the station and it is a comparatively busier place with the canteen and the newspaper stall already open. Trains are not very frequent though. But yes, they are empty enough and the sight of an empty train is like a blessing for me, who has travelled by trains mostly during the peak of hours with hardly any space to even stand. The train looks empty when it’s arriving but actually there are women sleeping on the seats. They actually stretch out on the seat and sleep with bed sheets wrapped from top to toe, as if at home.... Somehow reminds me of a cocooned insect.

Looking out of the train is a peaceful sight! Moving train, with no crowd at all, the breeze touching your face in a pleasing way, a beautiful star studded and a moon hung sky, the hills that are just visibly outlined by the soft moon light and moving houses with tiny lights on. And all this is back grounded by nice soothing songs played on the radio. I get so lost in this calm that when I reach Vikhroli(the destination station), it hardly seems like any time has passed.

Vikhroli station to office is kind of a scary journey. It doesn’t take more than 5 minutes, but it gives me creeps... Maybe because I am on my own during this travel. The roads here are empty and dark too. And I don’t know why, but I start thinking of all the scary stories that I have heard all my life when I am alone. This makes it all the more frightening. Reaching the office gate is a relief! While walking towards the reception, I always see a perfect camera capture moment. The reception is mid way of a straight road of around 100 meters with coconut trees on both sides and a series of lights at one side. The lights fall on the trees and the empty road in such a way that it gives it a portrait effect. Had I been a painter, I would have surely painted this view! But the beauty of the view is forgotten when I have an empty bay to face. Fear is the emotion that takes over again. When I open the bay door and am fiddling with the switches to find the right ones, all I can see is pitch dark and suddenly a blue light flashing out of someone’s CPU. And then somewhere a sound is heard. This is the mouse, I assume. Because the more I think of the sound, the more I’ll start imagining scary stories. Again on my own!!! I tune in to the radio and keep trying not to imagine voices or anything around me. And sometimes, just to keep myself occupied, I write. Something that I did even today :)

And then the other people come in and the day goes on just like any other day...

Beloved

2010-03-23T09:36:00.000-07:00

Don’t go now... you have been far for long,
Things looked bleak and all seemed wrong,
Now that you have come, I will start living again,
I will walk past the agony and dump all the pain.

Now gather me close and hold me tight,
Hold me such that everything feels right,
Just be by my side and be there for a while,
Let me feel the warmth and let me see you smile,

Let me feel the touch again, of how it is to be kissed,
Let me tell you, oh dear, how much you have been missed,
Let us have a lovely dinner and let’s go out for a walk,
Let us be in the backyard garden and simply sit and talk,
Let me again argue with you, let me fight again,
Let me see you laughing aloud, when my efforts all go in vain,

Please don’t leave me alone now, stay a little longer,
Let me be with you again and grow a little stronger,
I know you will soon be gone and I will be left lonesome,
How will I stay all alone in the years to come??

It all feels like yesterday, I still can’t believe you are gone,
There’s still your scent around, and all your things in place,
But one thing which I truly believe is that you will always be around,
As much caring as you were, and forever loving,
And, I promise, I will stay alive with all your memories to keep me going....

Moon Marveled...

2009-12-06T10:19:00.000-08:00

She always had a fantasy for moon. Moon was an emblem of romance for her. And the description of the pretty moon in many of the love scenes, in many of the novels that she read, made it all the more interesting. She had had many instances where she would just be on the roof and look at the pretty moon hanging in the star studded night.

That day she was returning back from office, and there it was, impossibly beautiful and breathtakingly marvelous... The moon!!! It was just impossible not to notice it. And not to stare at it. It was the full moon day and the moon looked larger than usual and cheesy in color. She might have looked dumb standing in the middle of the road and staring at the sky, but she really dint notice anything around. For those few moments, she strongly wished she had that stunning slice of white all for herself.... But again, she had always been in a habit of wishing all unusual things, this being just an appendage to her long list of unfeasible wishes. On her entire way back home, she kept peeping out of her vehicle just to steal a glance at the moon. For that one day, she was near to being obsessed, so much that she even sent a text to couple of her friends asking them to go and see the moon. Silly her!!!

After reaching home, she kept thinking, what was it about the moon that appealed to her so much? She decided that one obvious reason was that it manages to look equally enchanting in all shapes and sizes, full or crescent... both had its own beauty. It’s distant, cool, and yet so very romantic. A perfect backdrop for a perfect date! And at that moment, she missed her "someone special". Also, moon happens to be auspicious. She couldn’t find any particular reason but she knew that she was simply marveled by just the sight of earth’s only natural satellite... (Satellite makes it sound so artificial)

When she was just about to end her day, she went out of her house to look at the moon for one last time that night. She looked at the moon and it was like she was under some spell.... And she never wanted it to break.

Wish-list

2009-11-29T09:55:00.000-08:00

I don’t drive, (... though I enjoy drives) but I know the vital fact that sign boards are to drivers as a compass is to a sailor. Without sign boards, they would be lost.

I wish, sometimes, life had guiding sign boards. Like, when you come to a forked road, you have signboards saying "Go Right for this" or "Go left for that". Life would have been so much simpler then! And at some point in time, when you are wondering about what you are going to do with your life, you would find a signboard saying "Settled life – 5 years ahead", or something like "Marriage – 2 years ahead". And then you could adjust and plan your time and life accordingly, much similar to the way a driver does.

And when you had a mad manager or an angry dad to face, a sign board reading "Danger ahead." would be there waiting for you. And when you have been courting someone whom you love, you would find a board saying "Work in progress, go slow". When there’s some life changing episode to happen to your life, you would see a board saying "U- turn ahead. Be careful". That would certainly act as an alert! Lot better than some unexpected blows....

More importantly, when you have taken a wrong turn, or heading a wrong path, you would have those same sign boards bringing you to the right track. Sadly, life does not come with this attribute. And many end up on an entirely different destination, many are lost and many are trying to flip on right track.... Sign boards would definitely have been a blessing!

I also had another wish.... Life had lesser bumps!!!

Lol.... I am preparing a wish list as if some wish-granting genie has sworn to pay me a visit me soon.

Its only words...

2009-11-13T19:10:00.000-08:00

Its only words
And words are all I have
to take your heart away!!!

PS. I Love this song.

For some reason, I thought I should put it here.

HER day with herself...

2009-10-30T10:09:00.000-07:00

Restless from the last night’s thoughts, she woke up feeling groggy and puffy eyed. Like the last few nights, yesterday hadn’t been any different. But today, she had set aside an entire day just for herself. She was going to spend every single minute of this day to catch up on all the things that she had been missing because of her so-called “successful” career.

She woke up and she prayed. Morning prayers were something she had been ignoring giving herself an excuse of busy pre-office schedule. Then she heard the twittering birds. She knew they had been there from ever, but how many days had she really paid attention to them? Today, somehow, it sounded like music to her ears. On an impulse, she went to her window and saw those tiny multi-colored birds, hopping squirrels and a few nasty rodents. On other days, she would have been rushing at this hour of the day, but today she just stood there and lost track of time. She couldn’t tell how much time she had enjoyed that utterly simple yet wonderful view.

She had woken up early. She wanted to make most out of the day and decided the earlier it is, the better it would be. Also, mornings are the best time for cycling. Yes, she decided she would go on a ride to her once-upon-a-time favorite cycling destination. With minor fixes to her ancient cycle, she set off. Right from the first foot set on the paddle, she knew that she was going to have a great start. After so many years, cycling was as good as a new experience for her. The steep slopes, which were dealt with like an expert, were giving her creeps now. But she found it equally pleasing to get down from the cycle and drag it down the slope. She walked with the cycle and let her eyes wander. She was far away from the crowd and all she could see was a few more variety of birds, a brilliantly shining sun which made the dew look like tiny diamonds, scarcely scattered mud houses, many rural people busy in their early morning chores, a few under-construction buildings which evidently stated that urbanization was encroaching, a set of unused railway tracks in a distance and many things which were only a childhood memory now. These things had always been a fantasy for her. She silently wondered why she had let them subside.

By the time she reached back home, she had no clue what she was going to do next. On other days, she would have had an entire day’s agenda set even before she left for work. But today was a day of ‘No excuses’, ‘No worries’, ‘No responsibilities’ and importantly ‘No work’.
Because the first thing she saw, after entering the house, was a T.V. remote, she switched it on and started browsing through channels. She stopped on a channel which showed familiar characters. It was the Cartoon Network. Of all the channels she had browsed, only this one channel had remained familiar over the years and showed known images. And realizing that she still remembered every single character of the on-going cartoon made it all the more interesting. She felt she must have gone insane in enjoying a senseless cartoon film, but she did not hesitate in letting the insanity take over. She sat, eyes fixed on the T.V. set, till the end of the Dexter’s Laboratory.

Then the day followed with a few more unusual activities like calling up few old friends and relatives who were out of touch, watching a few old photographs, laughing over how funny people looked years ago and how drastically they had changed in everything from looks to sizes. She also spent time with her sick and old Granny. She had seen her Granny being alone and weak for most of the time but had never realized how lonely she was. Today she had lunch with her and saw her Granny smiling and really happy. It moved her heart to know how her Granny enjoyed the simplest of conversations with her eldest and most beloved grand daughter. For n-th time in this day, she decided that she had made her day worthwhile. She spent her afternoon watching ‘A Walk to remember’.

In the evening she went for a walk. She kept walking until she reached her school premises. There she stood, looking at the school. A wave of nostalgia swept over her and she drifted back to all the good times she had had here. She looked at the play ground, the windows of her previous class rooms, the wide marble and granite entrance and thought that if god were there to listen to all that she wished, she would have begged for that glorious time back. Then she changed directions and walked aimlessly. After a couple of hours, she came back home and unlike other days, she was more than fresh. She did not feel like just going to her room and falling asleep. Instead she decided to do one more thing that she had rarely done in the past few days. She wrote. She wrote about the remarkable day she had spent. And as she penned down the words, she lived the entire day all over again.

When she went back to bed, happy and contented, she knew she would be going back to the same old world of responsibilities, rules, agendas….

Umm... Something lovely...

2009-07-27T10:01:00.000-07:00

DISCLAIMER: Love-phobics, please shut the window and get back to working... Others can continue reading....

Hello guyz-readers,

Here is something you might, probably, find useful for your girlfriend(s).... If you think its worth, go ahead, copy it and use it wherever appropriate...

Hear me girl, the song of my heart,
The way I sound when you are around,
The song of love and faith and trust,
The song that says our love has no bound.

Wake up girl, and look around you,
You will find me there just looking at you,
Adoring the way you look when you are asleep,
And happy to have woken up next to you.

Walk with me girl, on this life-ly lane,
Walk with me till my last step falls,
Holding hands till death parts us,
And souls linked together even after that.

Love me girl, the way I love you,
Know how I suffer when you are not near,
Hope that we have happiest times together,
And promise you will stay longer than forever,

Dunno what Meteora is upto these days.... Wakes up and acts wierd!!!

Past pondered....

2009-06-14T03:18:00.000-07:00

Something from the near past...

That lovely, welcoming, special one,
Through which I freely walked to and fro,
Now the door remains closed for me,
Where do I knock?? Where do I go??

Those words of advice, always ready to help,
Used to lift me whenever I was low.
Now all I am is a stranger to those,
I really do care, but how do I show??

The ultimate place for all my worries,
The first place for every single joy,
All that has moved far off now,
I won't be heard, even if I cry.

I did blast up; I did ruin it all,
The good is now nearing the end,
How much ever worse I feel about it,
I know I cant, its really hard to mend.

All I can do is recollect those times,
Live the moments of that beautiful past,
Adore the truth that it happened to me,
And deeply wish that it had last....

I wish it lasted long and beyond me!!!

^-^

A few Corporate Side Effects

2009-06-02T09:45:00.000-07:00

It's around 8 months since I first set my foot into the so-called "Corporate world". Except for a few issues, it's not very drastically different. I have had a few side effects though. I thought I will list them down. So, here they come:

1. It's a basic fundamental act, here, to document every small event that happens. Any small change to your code has to be present in the written form somewhere. Any activity, other than your routine, has to be documented and filed. All the major and minor issues require listing down of the objectives, advantages, flaws, scope etc. It sometimes is too organized. Half of your time goes in documenting the work done. (....This may be one of the reasons why I am onto populating this list so precisely, elaborately and maybe efficiently too) It's become so much of a habit that some people here fear of carrying this routine back home. :P I can imagine the actual side effects :P

2. You don't get enough time to pursue your hobbies. You get so much stuck up with your career- building that you leave your hobbies far back in your past. I lost track of many such hobbies myself. Trying to resume a few. Writing is the first one, thankfully!!! By the way, you get time on weekends which are mostly meant to just stretch your legs and keep lying on the sofa, either munching on something or watching T.V. or both. Plus it adds a few unwanted calories. Too bad!!!

3. It's said that only the fittest survives. Here, only the smartest survives. Even if you are a lazy, dumb jackass, you'll be on top of the rating's graph if you are smart enough to fool your seniors. Hard work is noticed, but smart work is paid. And in an attempt to be smart, you often end up showcasing your foolishness. This can be an awful side-effect coz it can even over-shadow your hard work.

4. Also, in an effort to be smart, you may get involved in a not-so-healthy (read filthy) competition. Pulling others down to get yourself to the peak has been a consistent Corporate trend. People here are hardly friends; mostly they are just colleagues.... Competing colleagues.

5. Formality becomes one of your traits. There's always a fair chance of you becoming formal with the best of your friends... And there's a fairer chance of your friend mistaking it as insanity :P

6. And some people here have a bad habit of coming and interrupting for all silly reasons... Because of which people like me forget what they were going to put next on their blogs, simply wind up writing it, mail the copy on their personal mail Id, go home and post it incomplete. Another side effect....

On behalf of Mumbai

2008-12-07T06:55:00.000-08:00

Hi All,
I am using this space after a long time. Almost couple of months now. There are reasons to support my absence but they will come here sometime later.
Just to start again, here's something I have written on behalf of Mumbai...

Every morning with wide open arms,
I gladly receive every single guest,
Giving them a chance to live their dreams,
Then why is my patience always put to test?

Bombs and bullets sounding too often,
Daggers that stab to leave a heavy bruise,
Till the very last click of the trigger,
All I can do is weep to the abuse.

Bleeding with agony, bleeding with pain,
Bearing the drudge time and again,
I scream for rescue loud and clear,
Hope they are heard and not gone in vain.

My gratitude for those who stand by me,
And morally help me come over the fight,
They support to keep my soul alive,
And so I heal and stand back bright.

Just do it!!!

2008-09-22T22:44:00.000-07:00

When the botherations seem to mount,
Nothing can be done and you very well know,
Nagging over it won’t do any good,
Remember this and just let them go.

When the worries greedily hover above you,
And you want to drop them but you cannot,
Face it with a bold attitude,
Say “This is how it is, so what??”

When troubles keep rushing in life,
And the dark force keeps wilting you,
Take it as it comes with one thing in mind,
Everything changes, this will change too!!

When you crave for absolute happiness,
And start seeking it in whatever that is seen,
If you fail to find it in the things around,
Just sink into yourself and find the joy within!!!

The things mentioned above might seem unrealistic to some people, but trust me, It works!!!

Is it not???

2008-09-22T22:40:00.000-07:00

Moving fast in their own swift worlds,
People are too busy to notice the ones they know,
Wanting to express their love and care,
But there’s hardly any time to show.

It’s no more a hearty issue,
To know about people’s whereabouts,
Pretending to have a much of trust,
People still carry a lot many doubts.

With hardly any long chats now,
There are barely any walks to the nearby park,
The days fall short for all these things,
And now, life starts as it begins to get dark.

In an attempt to have the best out of life,
All are competing in the race of living,
There’s more of taking & taking these days,
And people have forgotten the joy of giving.

Is it not????

Look in and find out...

2008-09-18T23:49:00.000-07:00

Ever sneaked a look within yourself?? I have, but yesterday there was new dimension to this view.

Sagar, one of my AOL friends who had just returned from an advance course, said while experience sharing that along with the natural beauty outside, he also experienced the beautiful nature within him.
This made me think and find some analogy between the outer world and the inner world. And I did find many interesting correlations. We indeed can relate ourselves with the world outside. Love as deep as the valley, hopes as high as the mountains, enthusiasm as fresh as the flowers, joy as bubbling out as a spring (a spring of water and not the spring season), the ‘sharing’ attitude resembling the trees, memories which come and go like a cool breeze leaving behind the fragrance of good old times, commitment as steady as the rocks, trust as fluctuating as the tides, opinions as changing as the seasons, smile as curved and beautiful as a rainbow, surprises that come like uncertain rains.... And many such examples.

Few more here…. Anger that erupts like a volcano leaving the land around barren, tides of jealousy flooding the mind, fear as dark as the night, ignorance( absence of responsibility) which can be related to famines, depression which may leave after-effects as bad as an earthquake, misunderstandings that appear like a tornado and sweeps away years of relationship.... And so on… Its like global warming. Let me coin a new term here. “Self warming”... Self warming is to inner world as global warming is to outer world.

As we are responsible for global warming, we are responsible for the local self warming as well. Give it a thought and start taking measures before a black hole starts creeping in!!!

Whew!!!

2008-09-02T23:11:00.000-07:00

Four days of facing the new phase!!! The transition from campus to corporate seemed quite exciting at first. Well, it is exciting... but the excitement is strictly confined to the walls of our training hall... Or at the max, the entire building of the training venue. Beyond that lies the super-crowded sakinaka area and being in the suburbs for so long, I wasn't much used to the traffic out there. And the only not-so-good thing about this new phase is that I will be having to face this traffic for the next two months... and I hope not more than that. It literally took us 30 minutes (on an average of four days) to get a rick to Kurla stn. And the traffic jam there contributed a great deal in emptying our wallets. The rick-meter sped like in some kind of a marathon...

And then the ever throng-laden, Mumbai ki jaan, the local trains!!! Needless to say about the beauty of it at peak working hours. And I, unfortunately, happen to travel in those peak hours :( And I manage to get back home by 9:00 with whatever self-strength I can keep holding on to. And then... "WHEW!!!"
I will categorize this schedule as a busy one... at least to start with. Thankfully, I am awake today to put this post in place.

Kuch toh likhna tha, isiliye just blog-hopped. :)

I guess I will have to keep posting such stuff (even if they aren't much appealing) regularly so that I can keep saying, "I blog" instead of "I used to blog".

The pics....

2008-08-21T22:44:00.000-07:00

Few pics of the picnic described in the previous post...There are almost all the pics except for the farm house...

The picturesque mountains painted with all possible shades of green

Many waterfalls originating and disappearing in the mountains

Rocks that looked like some huge drowning figures

The farms surrounding the farm house

The waterfall... Its huger than it appears here.

The huge and steep rocks...

The piknik...

2008-08-21T12:08:00.000-07:00

Early that morning, even before the clock could display 6:00 and the alarm would scream in my ears, I was wide awake and staring at the clock. The clock was surprisingly silent as there were still few minutes for 6:00.... Opposite to the routine, today I was awake at the time I had hardly seen. I don't even remember the last time I had seen the clock strike 0600 hrs. :P
It was the day of the picnic with my AOL friends. Might be excitement of it must have set some virtual alarm in some segment of my thinking organ (.... brain, of course).

All were scheduled to meet at the pre-decided bus stop at 7:00 and the bus would take off at 7:30. This was as per decided. But as the bus had to wait for 53 youngsters (...almost of whom are too lazy to wake up early and be punctual for the not-so-important picnic), it was past 7:30 and the bus hadn't moved an inch. But the few who had put in efforts to be punctual had begun their purpose of picnic-->fun!!! The bus took off at around 8:15 and with the bus began the joy ride. All of us were crowded at the hind seats of the bus and the mid and the front was scantily filled. And because we had occupied the last seats, our screams were more dampened till they made it to the driver. Else he would surely have left us mid-way and made his way back home. We were singing, rather shouting, all way till the spot arrived. The freinzied shouts were all the taunts and torments in the form of funny songs dedicated to everyone turn by turn.

When the bus halted and we were getting down, we faced a small house which was moderately furnished and large enough to house our luggage. And surrounding the house were acres of lush green farms. So it was actually a farm house!!! A nice farm house!!! Breakfast was ready and we helped ourselves with it and after the eating was done we began for the long awaited WATERFALL. Adjoining the house were far spread farms which seemed never ending. Somewhere among those farms was a small path which was wide enough only for one. We all lined and were walking along. I was amongst the last ones in the line and the other end of this line looked like a bunch of ants walking neatly on the floor. We walked and walked and waited for atleast the sight of waterfall. But there was none. We couldn't even hear it. Of about half an hour walk in that ankle-deep mud filled farms, many of us had either lost(... stuck and not removable from the mud) or torn sandles.

Finally, a water body could be seen. And to our dismay, this was nothing that we had imagined. It looked like a drain of clean water. And we had pictured a huge picturesque waterfall. Thankfully, the uncle who was guiding us said that the actual "fun-spot" was yet to come. We had to climb up this water flow which had stones of almost all dimensions. And the moss that grew on it made it even more difficult to climb them and move on. In the beginning, the rocks were small enough and the flow was calm. We could easily manage walking with just two legs. But as we went higher up the altitude, the water current as well as the dimensions of the rocks grew. From the distance, the rocks looked like some huge drowning figures. At this point, we had to use all our four limbs to climb and get nearer to the destination.

The guys of the group helped the girls safely walk up the rocks. And I had this excitement of having had a hint of trekking. I was never ever allowed for a trek by my parents, and here a bit of trekking had come as a complementary gift. :) It was risky but worth taking up the challenge. Yes, it was a challenge for almost all the girls. Specially Akanksha, who had a sprained leg and a bandage still wrapped around her foot. But I guess the climate there, and the light pleasant drizzles, and the absolutely picturesque view with cool green mountains and hundreds of small waterfalls originating and disappearing in those mountains, were enough for Aki and all of us to forget about the hours of walking and the bit of pain that was creeping in.

Then we could hear a rampant clash of the water on the rocks. After ascending a few more huge and steep rocks, we witnessed the sole purpose of this trip. It was the waterfall!!! Even more beautiful than what we had pictured. The flow of water, which hit the rocks, fell from a huge monolith which looked like a big pre-historic monster. Even before getting below this natural and a bit over-sized shower, I could feel the droplets caress my face... the droplets which were all around the waterfall because of the rapid lashes of water whipping the underneath rocks. Carefully climbing below this huge pour was a herculian task. The rocks were even huger and the moss added to the risk. One step misplaced, and the person would fall directly on the face probably producing more empty space in his mouth (.... obviously with a few teeth missing, the mouth would look more empty :P) Somehow we all managed to get under the fall. And when the water hit the head, I went blank for that instant and immediately backed off. It felt like both the water falling and the gravity were in competition. The water fell with full force and the gravity pulled it even more harder. Many people enjoyed this hydro hit on their heads but somehow I wasn't able to take it. I was all happy just by the sight of it and the tiny residual droplets that flew and gently touched my face..... The sight from there was breath-taking. Mountains all around and the falls placed at the center of it. The monsoon had beautifully painted the mountains with all possible shades of green and looking at them was a real visual treat!! Mother nature was at her best in flaunting her beauty. After jumping, running, playing in the chilling cold water, we returned back to our luggage... The farm house I meant.

The lunch was waiting for us and as it was too late(... 3:30, i guess), we all realized that the round trip back to farm house had really left us hungry. The meal tasted amazingly good.... as if it was directly brought from the royal kitchen. The hunger added the extra taste, I guess. Following the lunch, there was a lazy discussion in one of the rooms, in the backyard there were a set of people playing some running and chasing game and the remaining people were either spectators or were busy wandering in their own world.

Then there was a half an hour time of blissful satsang... lead by Krishnan, Ravi and Datta. At 6:30 it was time to depart. We bade bye to the wonderful place and took our seats in the bus. The return journey too was as energetic as the morning one... But I was not much interested in the screaming and singing going on on the back seats. I took a window seat and staring at the full moon in the dark night, I dozed off to sleep dreaming about the beautiful day which was about to end.

The day had ended and we reached back to the point where we had started from... Only that, this time we were already planning for the next picnic. After a series of farewell hugs to all around, we left for our respective houses. After returning home and sharing all the day's fun, I lay on my bed and the picnic had started answering. I realized that I was very much tired and all my limbs screamed for rest... I slept and woke up the next day with the hangover still there...

I hope we all plan such picnics often.... It was a day to cherish!!! By the way, the picnic was at Neral.... I forgot to mention it and couldn't find an appropriate place to put this name... So appended it here, at the end.

Finally Meteora woke up and I could successfully write this post....
Question: Who is Meteora??
Answer: She'll be introduced in one of the posts to follow... :)

The word war... 21 v/s 6

2008-07-25T14:50:00.000-07:00

Because of the reason that my mom isn't keeping well, we are having a more-frequent-than-usual flow of relatives turning towards our address recently. We had one such visitor this morning. Bhabhi and Tejas (my nephew... Ya, my nephews give me some good stuff to put here on the blog.) They had come just for a routine family visit.

Tejas is a 6 year old kid. Otherwise average, but when it comes to answering the taunts and torments, he is way beyond BEST. It has always been my desperate attempt to win over this kid with words. But he's too good. Teasing him is like getting teased yourself. And most of the time you, atleast I do, end up making a fool of yourself.

In spite of the try going down the drain a lot many times till now, I just thought of testing my luck this morning. He entered in with his mom and while smiling at my momma, he took off his shoes and carefully placed them next to the door mat, adored them for a moment and then came to the sofa and sat next to his mom. I noticed that his shoes where clean white and resembled somewhat to the kind of foot wear the soccer players wear. Surely he must have seen them at one of the matches he watched with his dad. I took a chance and taunted him... Here's the word war...

Me: Nice shoes Tejas.
Tejas: I bought them just now while coming to your home. I thought I will show off so wore them before coming here.
Me: I like them. I am going to take them away when you are asleep.
Tejas: What are you going to wear them on?? On your salwar kameez or on your girl-ish tees?? You will be made fun of.
(I am thinking of what to say next... He speaks up.)
Tejas: You can borrow my clothes too. They will complement the shoes. I dont have any problems. But the only thing, you might have a problem with, is my full length pants will be like half ones for you and my half pants would be... (stops and winks naughtily). Now if you are in for this idea, you can take away my shoes.

I gave up this time too. Now that he has left, I just went back in time to recollect more such incidents when I and many others had fallen prey to his wits.

Another one on me here...

Scene: We are at my cousin's (and his, too) house and are just having a post dinner family gossip while getting prepared for the ice-cream. Tejas refuses to have an ice-cream. Everyone's around and I speak up...

Me: You don't eat ice-creams?? What kind of a boy are you!!
Tejas: You don't eat chocolates?? What kind of a girl are you!!
(I get surprised and ask...)
Me: How did you know that I don't eat chocolates??
Tejas: Everyone in this room is having a chocolate ice-cream and your's is butter- scotch. You ordered a different one because you don't eat chocolates. What kind of a girl you are!!

He reverts that same sentence of mine back at me like a boomerang and others in the room laugh aloud. I make myself look dumber than a 6 year old kid. But from within, I smile at his wit and shoo off the topic... :)

There are many such incidents and many other people who have lost this kind of a "word war" with Tejas. Too many to mention here. I will keep updating this post in case something from the past and related to Tejas comes back bringing a smile on my face.

He's aptly named. Tejas, the bright one!!!

Angelic n innocently devilish...

2008-07-15T21:32:00.000-07:00

This blog post is solely dedicated to my nephew Chaitanya aka Chintuklya, Chintu, Shonu-monu, Jumpy... the list goes on. He's called by different names by different people. That was my set of names...

Life has changed, obviously for better, since Chintu(...that's what i call him more often) and his parents moved in the apartment next door. Its so convenient to bring him home at any odd hours. He's my kinds.... Active at odd hours. Sleeps all day long and plays all night. May be, that is one reason why I feel so connected to him. And its really fun to see him play with anything and everything. He can sit for hours even with a glass or a pen or a bowl or anything that catches his eye.

Its cute to see him just sitting, or when he's simply lying down and dozing off to sleep, when he's sleeping calmly in his cradle( that's the only time when he's quite), when he's having baby food and its more on his cheeks than in his mouth, when he's trying to get things which are out of his reach, when he cries innocently when someone's leaving and isn't taking him along, when he keeps on staring the bikes and other automobiles till the time they get out of sight, the way he rushes towards his mom with trembling but enthusiastic and quick crawls on seeing her after a long time, when he dances (or just moves sideways) when my mom sings one particular song, when he chases his own shadow.... and so many other childly acts of his. In fact anything he does seems cute to me.

And besides, its because of him that I have laughed or simply smiled or felt happy just by looking at him even in my rough times. He's a perfect stress buster and all the stress, built over an entire day's time, simply seems non existent only at one sight of his. I have learnt many things from him too. He's dependent on people and yet keeps on smiling. He hasn't achieved anything great in life, yet is happy always and spreads it all around him. Just being in his aura makes me feel super-happy. And then I was thinking, why can't we all be the same. We crave for more and more even when we get the things that we have desired. We have achieved almost all that we ever dreamt of and yet we never seem contented.

Chintu is a super shaitaan. He's ekdum naughty and always gets scoldings for all his notorious (..but cute) acts. But then he stares, at the one who scolds, for a moment or so and then innocently smiles back... melting the person in front. I wish I could copy it from him and innocently shed off all the hard feelings I ever had for people all throughout my life.

There's so much you get to learn when there's a kid around. Have a look at my sweetheart....

He certainly is an angel...(or farishta, as they call it in hindi).
God bless you Chintu... Love you... :)

Quite ironic...

2008-07-06T23:17:00.000-07:00

Today's fortune: Share your happiness with others today.

That’s what my fortune on orkut account said today. I hardly do notice or care about it daily, but today it caught my eye. Today was the day when I had anything but happiness. My day did start well but since afternoon it has been pretty much rough. I had these many questions in my mind, which I was looking answers for. I did get a few questions solved today. *personal content suppressed*. And conversely to what I had thought, they left me completely broken. The answers were blurred though, but I could sense something clearly being signaled through those. And this disturbed me to a considerable degree. I hope I am just imagining things and everything will get alright as time passes by. I really hope it does... Coz it means a lot to me.

Today I didn’t have any happiness to share. I did share my dismay with a close friend. And unfortunately I m not feeling any better about it. So ironic was that fortune!!!

Jaago jara....

2008-07-06T20:50:00.000-07:00

Ok.. Lemme start this discussion with a short story… I heard it somewhere and it goes perfectly with this post...

An Indian teacher had once visited Japan and was traveling in the train. He got down at one station to get some fruits. He didn’t get any and so returned back to his seat. On the next station, he got down again to buy some fruits. Again he couldn’t find them. A Japanese youngster was sitting beside him and observing the teacher’s attempts, to find fruits, go in vain. On the next station, the Indian did not bother to get down, but this time the Japanese youngster did. He found the fruits and got back into the train. He handed over the fruits to the Indian. Obviously the Indian was surprised and he asked the Japanese fellow the reason for finding fruits for him. The Japanese now replied, “I got you the fruits because I didn’t want you to go back to your country and tell the people there that you didn’t find fruits on the stations of Japan.”

The sole purpose behind narrating the story was to highlight the kind of pride and the sense of holding the pride the young lad was carrying for his country. How many people in India, do you think, carry such a pride?? In a talk given on this topic, I realized that there are hardly some few youngsters in India who are really proud of their country. India is a perfect country to be utterly proud of !! Only when I heard this talk did I realize it. And I thought I should put it on the blog and let the people know about it.

The main reason for India still being a developing country is that the people, and mainly youngsters, here are not as proud of their country as the people of the other developed countries are about their respective motherland. We people keep on complaining about the problems our country is facing, but how many really come up and do something to fix it up??

We complain about corruption. Corruption does exist in other countries too. Only that the media there doesn’t hype it much, as it happens here in India. Instead of just sitting and complaining, take up the responsibility, get into action, jump into politics and do something. At least use your fundamental rights and go vote a worthy candidate in the elections. Corruption happens when you let it happen. Don’t encourage bribery, fight against anything wrong happening around you. I know it is easier said then done. But spreading awareness and working in mass can make things happen.

We also complain about filth in the country. And I have seen that the people complaining are many times the same ones who themselves litter. They just throw away the wrappers and other stuff here and there on the roads, in the trains or any other convenient public place. If you cannot stop littering, don’t blame the country for being filthy. Blame yourself. Indirectly, we are the ones who are responsible for the filth around.

Many youngsters think that British or American standards are much better than Indian standards…. I ask why??? Why don’t you trust the Indian standards?? What makes you think that India is not worth being proud of?? Let me mention this thing here. The people from west come to India to seek things that they couldn’t find world wide. They come to India for the beauty of the country, the exclusive and rich culture here, the spices, for peace of mind, for yoga, and many other things. Sometimes I think that those people better know the worth of India than we ourselves.

How many of us really stand in attention when the National Anthem is being played?? How many of us know the prosperous history of our country?? How many of us know what potential India holds?? It does hold a potential that is way beyond any other super power in this world. The only thing lacking is the force driving this potential. The people here who have the pride absent in them. The “if-not-me-someone-else-will-do-it” or “how-are-my-lone-efforts-going-to-help” attitude that is so frequent in the people.
My advise to such people ---> Be it the smallest of efforts, just take a step ahead put it into action. Somewhere its going to make a huge difference. Make people aware of your efforts and encourage them to join.

Years back the British people knew that India was the richest country. And even now in spite of being looted then, and in spite of so much of poverty in the country, with so much of diversity and so many different cultures being followed here, India still stands as one single country in the atlas. If such an extremely diverse country was to be handled by some other government, it surely wouldn’t stand for more than a year. I don’t disagree with the fact that there are lots of issues with the Indian government too. But what is more important is that they are still holding India as one big country.

To improve the conditions here, we need to get into action. Do anything that u think can help the society. Spread awareness and if not improving the conditions, at least don’t make them worse.

Be proud of your country, guys!! You have no idea where India can go up to if the potential is aimed at the right direction. Be a part of the process of India becoming a super power!!! Together we can... And together we should.

Childhood revisited....

2008-06-24T23:25:00.000-07:00

Like all the other kids, I have also been through several childhood routines like giving reasons for not going to school, making lame excuses for not doing the homework, comparing the grades with my friends, participating in cultural activities to stay away from attending lectures, teasing and imitating my teachers, fighting with my younger brother, throwing away the milk while no one’s around... And many more...

But there are some things that are permanently etched into my mind. Just thought of kinling them up and putting somethings here. Might be the reader too gets back to his/her childhood and, for a while, stumble upon some fun had in the past... Here they come...

* Saving money (rather, paise) to buy my dad a pen for his birthday, in spite of knowing that he already had enough of them. But that was the only affordable gift then.

* Deflating the bicycle tyres parked in the college adjacent to the school premises… lolzz, how we enjoyed doing it!!! And, we had a few encouraging spectators too... :P

* Collecting colorful pieces of broken tiles and building a toy house and using lots of mud to keep it integral, the tiles were then hardly seen... and then smugly showing it off.

* Shop-lifting. Yeah... I did it a couple of times as a bit-grown-up kid, just for fun though... :P

* Getting into a competition of blowing long-lasting soap bubbles. I remember the number of times I have spilt the soap on the floor and have had scolding for almost slipping over it... Never did I mind those scoldings though...

* Passing messages written on the last page of the book in the ongoing class.... I did fear my teachers once!!

* Studying in such a corner of the room where I could conveniently doze off behind my books.... and the reason mentioned for being in that corner would obviously be better concentration, or whatever silly reason I could think of.

* Once I wrote a poem for my mom. And I dint realize it at that point in time, but my mom showed it off to all her friends and was really touched by my this gesture.

* Playing for hours on the street with the other kids when my mom had actually sent me to get something from the nearby store.... I always succeeded in putting her into tense...:P

* Taming puppies and smuggling eatables out of the house to feed them...

* Jumping in the mud puddles during monsoons without even bothering the place, the time, or anything else... One day when I reached school, I was all soiled!!! Seems eeeww.. when I think of it now!!

* Pretending to be ill and really sick when I knew I had done something wrong and was about to be caught. :P

Miss those childhood dayzz...

Not a student anymore...

2008-06-10T21:59:00.000-07:00

The four year journey comes to an end today.... Today was my last exam and I really had a jolly good time with my friends. Had been to a creek-like water body somewhere at the behind of our college. I never knew a place like that ever existed, but it was great to have discovered it. Not that beautiful otherwise, but monsoons had made it look amazingly admirable!!!

And after having had a quick flashback of all the memories, we all left for our respective destinations... obviously our homes.
I had a friend with me and all through the train journey we discussed as many incidents as we could remember. And as they came flooding, we realised how much we'll be missing these college days.

I was waiting at the rickshaw stand and I met my school teacher, someone whom i had hardly met since school days. She came towards me as soon as she recognized me. I was too tired even to talk but I managed myself. After a couple of normal "How are you??" types questions, she casually asked "What are you doing now??" And I just answered without even thinking, " I am doing engineering." And then I knew what I had said... I wasnt right. I wasn't doing engineering anymore. I was returning from my last day at college and yet the words just flew out with the same obviousness. Then I reminded myself that I should accustom myself to a different answer from now on. I just wondered at how much used to I was of giving that same answer. "I am doing engineering".... I will be giving a new answer from today.

The realisation hit me hard and all I could do was just let go it and be preapred to welcome a new phase of life, probably not as enjoyable as this one... I convince myself that all of us can still meet once in a while and rewind and replay that precious tape of memories recorded over four years.

Rainy rhyme....

2008-06-07T09:04:00.001-07:00

Off goes the scorching season,
Welcoming the long awaited downpour,
With lighting to decorate the nights,
And the dark clouds’ loudly roar...

Gradually it began to drizzle,
And the drops descended one by one,
Consuming up all the warmth,
Pacifying the effects of the intense sun...

Out, I could see the tiny kids,
Playing in the puddle of rains,
They knew, too much will make them ill,
Yet they pleasured without any refrains...

I too rushed out,
To enjoy the heavenly shower,
With the coolness draping around,
And the lovely weather to adore...

Many people I could see,
Jumping and dancing in the rain,
I too did enjoy the debut showers,
Strolling gleefully down the lonely lane...

As the day dusks,
And the clouds overshadow the moon,
Sitting by the window I think,
How much I love this monsoon!!!

Being at the study,
Listening to the million drops,
I wish I could run to the roof,
And be there till the pour stops...

Blood relation...

2008-05-28T17:07:00.000-07:00

Imagine someone pricking something into you and pulling a part out of your body... Sounds cruel??? Well, it’s not as bad as it sounds when it’s going to do some good.

Blood donation I was mentioning here. I had been out for a blood donation late this afternoon. Knowing that you are going to save someone from dying really gives you a godly feeling. Really feels great... That too when you are doing it for loved ones... I did it for my grandpa. He’s my mamma’s uncle. The old couple is childless and few of their nieces and nephews (my mom and her cousins) have helped them through the entire hospital affairs.

My grandpa had an open heart bypass surgery today and was in need of blood. My granny knew she would have many donors ready but somewhere she did panic from within. Somewhere I had this feeling that they should have had a child to take care of them in their old age. Not that the others don’t take care of them, but it makes a difference… at least that is the opinion I hold.

I have being seeing my grandpa since childhood and one heck of a person he is!!! Cool, friendly and unlike any other elderly person. When I saw him being taken to the operation theater, I made my mind to do my best to get him out of the condition he was in. Donating blood was the most I could do. And I did. He had seven other donors. Eight people happily sharing their lifeline with him….

And see, now I share a blood relation with him... :)

A story this time...

2008-05-27T11:12:00.000-07:00

“Don’t forget to get me a gift”. These were the words Sunaina heard, her 3 year old son Rahul say, while she was rushing for her vehicle which would drop her to her working place. While she blessed him on his birthday, she also promised to return home before the party began.

Rahul was all keyed up about the birthday blast he was going to have that evening. And because his dad was out of the country ever since he was born, his mom was the sole person he was very much close to. Rahul stayed with his mom and his grandparents.
Dadu and dadi helped the home-maid decorate the house for the evening. And Rahul was keenly waiting for his mom to be back and seize that gift packet from her. He called his mom at least a ten times that day to remind her to get the long awaited gift.

Finally, it was evening. The house was perfectly festooned for the event. And Rahul was by the window waiting for Sunaina. As the time passed, the guests starting streaming in. But Rahul was all unaware of the crowd, wanting to wish and bless him. He was gazing at the road out of the window and refused to move unless Sunaina walked in. It was getting late and Dadu and Dadi were persuading Rahul to proceed with the cake-cutting. But he dint budge. Not so happy with this, the grandparents decided to wait for few more minutes.

Later, Sunaina was in sight and Rahul jumped to his feet in enthusiasm and moved towards the cake. Now, everyone was ready and with his mom by his side, Rahul happily cut the cake. The ceremony was done and the day ended happily. As the days flew, Rahul got more and more attached to his mom. She would always play the prime role in all the decisions he took. She was the solitary moral support he had. His friend, philosopher and guide!!

One the eve of his eighth birthday, Rahul went to bed at 10.00. He was lying awake and waiting for the clock to strike 12. He knew his mom would come rushing and would be the first one to wish him, as the tradition continued from the past 7 years. As it was almost 12, Rahul lay back happily planning for the day to come, and thinking about all the possible gifts his mom would pamper him with. The midnight bell rung and Rahul sat up in his bed. He looked at the door but it was still shut. There was no Sunaina. It was unlike always and Rahul was a bit annoyed. He fell asleep and then suddenly there was a bang on the door. Rahul woke up and headed towards the door. There was Sunaina, looking angelically beautiful. She wished Rahul and they sat on the bed and Sunaina began to say. She said, “Son, you are eight today. A grown up boy!! You can take your decisions all by yourself and whenever you need me, I’ll always be there for you. By your side, as I always was.” Saying so, she left and Rahul slept soundly with a sense of contentment.

In the morning, he walked out of his room to find a kind of ceremony going on. His dad had come home and he along with Dada and Dadi were performing some pooja. Rahul walked into the room and couldn’t make out the scene. He asked Dadi, but the only thing she could do was sob. Only when he turned his back did he realize that there was a photo of his mom, with a garland around it, on the table and the world seemed topsy-turvy to Rahul. He couldn’t make any sense out of whatever was going on. He fell on his knees and lost conscious. It was Sunaina’s fifth death anniversary.

She was killed in a road accident on the day of his 3rd birthday while returning back home. But she had come back only to keep her promise, to be on time for her son’s birthday party. And ever since then she had stayed by him. (... And both of Rahul’s grandparents never could figure out why Rahul mentioned his mom so frequently and behaved weird. Only because he was happy with it, his grandparents let him stay that way.) But now that Rahul had become independent, she had to leave.

When Rahul gained back his senses, he couldn’t believe at whatever was being told to him. He still waited for his mom to come and take him away from this stupid practical joke. But she never came back. She had gone forever. Only then could he make sense out of the conversation he and Sunaina had last night.

... But she wasn’t actually gone forever. Even now, at 30, as the clock strikes midnight on the eve of his birthday, Rahul wakes up with a whisper into his ears, “Happy birthday, son"

Why???

2008-05-26T18:36:00.000-07:00

I still remember the days, the days when i used to cry,
Sitting by my window, I would ask myself "Why?"
I still think about you once in a while,
The way you would talk, the way you would smile....
I wait for the day when i forget about you,
The day you are gone, the day we are through...
Its getting near, and I am scared and I smile,
Not sure what's around the next corner, or after the next mile.
I miss our brief times, the things you would say,
At night, I still wish you would have stayed...
I am letting go now, you will soon be gone,
But that will never change how much I miss you...
And few days later, on some fine day,
You'll turn around and ask... why did I let you go?...

PS:- Not an original one... read it somewhere long back. Just found it while going through my old diary. So, did a bit of working on it and blogged it out... Quite a nice piece of work...

Happens with me.... Finding a way out.

2008-05-24T22:46:00.000-07:00

At times, yes… I enjoy being alone. I love being with myself, day dreaming, talking with the one in the mirror, dancing on my toes, watching the wide blue sky, smiling with no reason, mimicking the birds and spinning my own web of thoughts- good, bad, stupid, funny and many times fictions and impossible ones too.

But then, there are times too when I hate this loneliness. I hate being alone. Rather, I fear being alone. When there’s no one to talk to, or tease, or play with, or laugh, or just to be with, all seems so monotonous and dry. There are no thoughts flowing out, no way seems to lead out of the gloom. It really gets on my nerves... And it gets worst when you want to talk about it to someone and the person doesn’t seem to understand you.

Loneliness playing different roles!!! Mood swings, I would term it as!!! And it does get extreme at times. Lord save me!!! And let the people around me understand what I m going through (... And not term it as “complaints” when I try explaining)... It's always temporary and wears off with time. But till the time its there, the time does seem still...

Hibernating...

2008-05-20T13:18:00.000-07:00

It's been days since something has made its way from my mind till here... Thanks to the not-so-pleasant exams!!! All the creative outward opening doors seem to have blocked. The only door active is the studious inward opening door, which has been allowing SS, MMS, DC and Robotics (those are my subjects) in. In short, the blogger ego is forced into hibernation... but today somehow has managed to take a peek out. Hopefully, it'll take over once the conditions are favorable. That is, when the exams are done with.

Me and my friend have been studying hard for the exams that were scheduled from 22nd (keeping aside all the fun-to-do things, even blogging). And yesterday, some rumor mongers spread some news bout the exams being postponed. Reason- ELECTIONS (...I hardly know any of my friends who votes).
The reason fairly seems enough for the postponement to happen (nothing declared as yet for now, but most likely to happen), letting all my plans go into the garbage bin. I had a long awaited holiday planned for the vacation. But the exam schedule wins!!! How I hate these exams!!!

I know this is a stupid post. Just spilling out all the annoyance of d changed schedule and abandoned vacation planz...:x :x

Back to hibernation....

Exams... here again!!

2008-05-11T01:26:00.000-07:00

Its time again for the exams,
Its time I must be studying,
But that’s the last thing I m doing,
Wasting my time just over nothing,
And then about the exams, I keep on worrying.

Just being at the balcony
And smiling at the many people I know,
There’s always a book in my hands though,
But the studying is really very slow.

Spending a lot of time
Playing with the kid next door,
Looking at the pile of books on desk,
And realizing there’s so much more.

When I have studied for as much as an hour,
It seems enough, and I keep sleeping all day long,
Then I think if I omit some of the portion,
What actually is going to be wrong!!

Then I make my mind
I take up the book in my hands,
I start with counting the number of pages,
To get done, it seems, it’ll take me ages.

10 days before the final exams,
Day and night the students usually slog,
I have been addicted to something much more interesting,
Keeping aside the books, I just sit and blog.

just for "you" guys...

2008-05-07T03:36:00.000-07:00

Just today in the morning, a friend of mine said that I don't express things out. Might be I lack at doing it to the face. But there are somethings which can't be left unexpressed... My writing stick helped me out with this... :)

My way of expressing my gratitude toward my friends.

Here it comes....

Here are all the pearls I have earned,
Together we make a precious chain,
We have been through ups and downs together,
But as strong as it was, it shall always remain.

- Divya is one, who’s been the closest of all,
At making new friends, she’s really very fast…
The one with whom I shared all my secrets,
I just hope our friendship is never a past.

- Amit is the one, a yet another close pal,
All these years, like an elder bro he has been,
I really feel lucky to have him around,
Without him, dunno what my life would mean.

- And there’s also an angel in my group of friends,
Swati, the cutest one, is what we all call her,
Knows well the art of valuing her friends,
I’ll always cherish the time we have spent together.

- Adi is a guy as silent as ever,
One of my friends, whom I can wholly trust,
Does as much as he can to help others,
I believe having a friend like him is a must.

- Then there is this guy named Chetan,
Coz he deserves it, I call him a mastermind,
Even if you have a problem as big as anything,
Just go to him, and the solution you’ll find.

- Suheil is a guy, always ready to help,
Excels in almost everything, is exceptionally clever,
Has stood by me in all my bad times,
One belief I hold, our friendship will last forever.

- Though now not as close as we used to be,
Sneha still is one of my valued friends,
In spite of the small measure of time we share,
I really wish our friendship never ends.

- Truly hardworking and a really dedicated guy,
Krishna is the one, whom I am referring to,
Cracks some poor jokes at times though,
But at heart I know he’s always true.

Even if I fall short of expressing how different it will be without you all... That's the least I can say----> " Will miss you guys!!!"

I just wonder....

2008-05-06T20:22:00.000-07:00

Dedicated to some "imaginary" Mr. X...

When sometimes I am just sitting idle,
My thoughts are all about you,
Gazing and staring at nothing in the space,
Wondering whether you feel the same way as I do….

When something just comes up, somewhere around me,
Bringing back the memories and reminding me of you,
I realize, I start missing you as ever,
Wondering whether would you be missing me too...

When the night seems cold and long and sleepless,
Among the stars and the moonlight I lay,
Attempting hard to sink into the night,
Wondering whether would you always stay…

When I m by the sea, and the day starts to dim,
I wish I could walk holding hands with you,
As I sit alone watching the waves back and forth,
Wondering whether will my dreams ever come true…

When grief and gloom fills up around me,
And the tears can’t just stop but fall,
Wishing that I could cry out my heart to someone,
Wondering whether would you ever come if I call…

Mind--> A warehouse of thoughts..

2008-05-04T11:57:00.000-07:00

Here’s an analogy…. My mind- a nickelodeon, a juke box of thoughts… all random yet linked in some remote way. And rewind and playback facilities fully supported!!

I think I think too much. Thinking is like a background thread continuously in execution irrespective of whatever I might be actually doing. I often find myself wandering in my maze of thoughts, possibly with no way out. But I really wonder at my skills of super-fast switching of thoughts. At one time its college, the very next moment I m onto anything like a pastry or a television show or a lake or a childhood memory. Sometimes, it fun… things which practically can’t be done can at least be thought of. But at times, it can lead u the wrong way, misinterpreting things and getting so much deep into it that there’s no space for the possible rectification.

It really bothers me at times. I might end up tarnishing a relationship just coz I got too much into thinking bout how the smaller misapprehension could possibly be true and the probable extent.
Might be too much thinking makes way for many such obnoxious situations- redundant and distasteful.

On the other hand, it can unleash your hidden creativity, only if u direct your thoughts and apply the potential in the right approach. I have been practicing the second prospect lately. More than just thinking, it’s even more fun to doodle it out on paper or put it on your blog.

To get rid of your thoughts, drag them out and put them on paper. Be it pleasant or poignant or weary or dim or no matter what. Just try to pen them down!!!

An experience worth sharing...

2008-05-03T10:55:00.000-07:00

We all do share gifts on the occasion of Diwali, and most of us love doing it. I have been enjoying this act since childhood. Exchanged many gifts in the past years, but all material ones. But this Diwali was different. I exchanged smiles for smiles!!!

On a Sunday morning, me and few other youngsters- collectively known as the YES!+ group, had a pre-planned visit to Astitva, a mental asylum and a school for mentally challenged kids. Well, to our surprise, there weren’t only kids but patients from all age groups. The eldest there, as we were told, was 74. But I would rather refer to them as kids, coz that innocent they were!!

Astitva was a one-storey building with the school on the ground floor and the dormitory on the first. The school was closed because of the Diwali vacations but we had a chance to meet the resident kids. From what we could see in the school premises, there had been a rangoli competition. The corridor was filled with beautiful and colorful patterns of rangoli and the names of the participants chalked beside their corresponding entries. At the far end, there was a skillfully made mud castle. It was really hard to believe that the kids who seemed abnormal can be so artistic too.

We then headed towards the first floor and where the stairs ended; there was a door which was locked, so that the kids didn't leave the place. But there was attended who was already unlocking the door and welcomed us in. On one side was a passage that led to the dormitory- a separate one for men and women. It was maintained amazingly clean with beds well maintained, a side table by each bed and the medicines mounted on them.

We had planned out a small treat for the kids there. As we occupied the hall, where the celebration was supposed to happen, the kids entered from one end and took their places. There was one ‘Vivek bhaiyya’ with us who was going to sing for the kids. As the singing began, so began the clapping, the feet-tapping which gradually turned into energetic random dancing. It was fun helping them dance. Everyone in the room was on their feet, dancing, singing and having fun.

After the tiring thing was done, the kids were made to sit to have some snacks. There were biscuits and chips and chocolates and a cold drink for each kid. Some kids there were so helpless that they couldn’t even unwrap the chocolate themselves. Only then did I realize the amount of care and help they actually needed. It brought a gulp in my throat.
But it really gave a different kind of feeling to watch all of them so happy and smiling. While I was helping one of them with the cold drink, a small girl came to me and said, “ Didi aap sab roz aao na… bahut maza aaya aaj”. All I could say was Yes!! The scene there seemed so powerful. The energy, the vibrance and all could actually be felt. I could feel the blessings coming towards me piggybacked on the countless smiles I spotted throughout the room.

It was all so different and unique!! I never did think that I can seek such immense pleasure in giving things. And making others happy. Ever since then, I have made it a point to do it as often as possible. That was an experience worth treasuring for the rest of my life. I did learn many things bout the other kind of world and the people living in there.

The best way to earn more and more smiles is--- Spread them.

I believe in ME!!!

2008-05-03T07:47:00.000-07:00

I dont worry about the dark,
I know the sun is mine.
To bring me into light,
I know that it will shine.

I dont worry about the sadness,
I know the rains will fall.
to wash away all my tears,
they will come on my every call.

I dont worry about the lonliness,
the silence is my friend.
It will always be at my serivce,
and will remain till the end.

I dont worry about my anger,
I know the breeze will cool.
It will take away all my worries,
and make my life much more beautiful.

I dont worry about the thirst,
I know the rivers are for me.
They will flow across the cities,
and come down at my plea.

I dont worry about the world,
because i fully believe in ME,
and whatever happens around,
this is how i shall always be...

I want to be....

2008-05-03T07:45:00.000-07:00

I want to be a bird,
to always fly high,
to go beyond the world
and enjoy the bright sky.

I want to be a fish,
to go deep down the sea,
to swim across the ocean,
and to feel free.

I want to be a bud,
to blossom into a flower,
to be among the hundreds,
and enjoy the rainy shower.

I want to be a breeze,
to flow through the trees,
to spread across the forests,
and to tickle all the leaves.

I want to be a cloud,
to be on top of the mountains,
to admire the whole world below,
and shower the rainy fountains.

I want to be a flame,
to shine like a spark,
to give others warmth,
anf flee away the dark.

I want to be myself,
and get back to ME,
to break all the self-evils
and set myself free...

Some highly hypothetical things I wish I had in my life:-

2008-05-02T08:47:00.000-07:00

--> To own a tiny-miny property on the moon- Yes, the planet earth’s only natural satellite… :P

--> To tame the ugly alter of me, forever.

-->To get all the past dark and disturbing memories burnt to ash.

-->To decorate my mind with purely distilled thoughts… (“truly”-“highly”-“hypothetical”)..

-->To embed in myself an ever-flashing message—“No space for nonsense!!”

-->To calibrate the scale of life with increasing count of smiles.

-->When I leave for heaven, (hell is unlikely, as yet for now) I wish to leave behind a template—template of the most fruitful life.

-->To take rational decisions as easily as… erm… spilling a glass of water.

--> To sweep out (or vaccum clean, whichever is more efficient) all the negativities i project onto others.

Too much to think of anymore.... :P

In search of an answer to the mystery called "LIFE"..

2008-05-02T08:38:00.000-07:00

Dunno what i am heading towards,
the destination seems so distant...
promising myself to stick to the path,
Even if alone, alone i shall walk.

With the hopes enlightening the way,
and the belief to help me go on,
the daunting past, as woeful as it was..
tries to wither, but my will stands strong.

The pieces seem to fall off places,
and make way for the paranoiac void,
something in me seems so incomplete..
but it does pass away, coz it should be gone.

The decision is made and i fully stand by it,
whatever comes along, it'll be gotten over...
the path is dark with thorns all along,
but i know, and i will, keep the flame on.
And on, and on, as long as i am not gone!!

That's truly myself..

2008-05-02T08:30:00.000-07:00

I often love being with my friends,
And hanging around with them at times,
Doing the most stupid things,
And then laughing aloud with them.

I often love watching the birds,
Wondering at the way they fly,
Fearless and independent,
reaching high up in the sky.

I often love early morning walks,
Far from the crowd and away from home,
Watching the roadside trees,
Forming an overhead dome.

I often love laying awake,
In the midst of the dark night,
Admiring the million stars,
and the lovely sky at its might.

I often love sleeping all day long,
And getting lost in my world of dreams,
And trying to make the life
As easy as it seems.

I often love watching the rains,
Being at the window to see the water pour,
Looking at the lightning,
and hearing the clouds roar.

I often love being alone,
Away from the world and people,
smiling without any reason,
And diving deep into my own joy filled ocean.